The sphere of romantic relationships in our life the most exciting and at the same time incredibly complicated. In theory it’s simple – two people meet, become closer, they realize that they like each other and decide to work together – they have everlasting happy relationship. Why often in practice, things are not going smoothly?
What sympathy did not translate into “happily ever after” may be infinite reasons. Each case is unique and the universal textbook “a Happy relationship” was never written. And although interest in this question at all times remains consistently high, uniform, working always and for all method of building a happy life together no one has still not formulated. And if the simple formula “how to” we have not invented, but have accumulated rich experience of what to do is definitely not worth it.
5 mistakes that prevent us from building a happy relationship
Any practicing psychologist will confirm that if during the consultation, the conversation goes on , sooner or later you will hear the word “should”. “This man should pay the bill on a date, the wife has to cook dinner and take care of children”, “if she loves me, she needs to forget about his girlfriends, he should be interested in my Affairs”, “a girl should be feminine”.
What to do?
This does not mean that you need to turn into a universal being. Just stop for a moment and think about which of your beliefs are really important to you and which you have absorbed unconsciously, inherited from the older important people, companies and media. In the course of communication carefully listen to yourself, assess in the moment if you fit what’s going on. And, of course, if possible, try to discuss your thoughts with your partner, clarify and test their hypotheses before making final decisions regarding your relationship.
2. Belief in the “Perfect relationship”
Sometimes a happy partnership interferes with the fantasy that there is some “perfect relationship” in which everything goes smoothly, without problems and difficulties. This is a continuation of the myth of the only “soulmate” – the person absolutely suitable for you. In fact, even in the most happy unions unpleasant things happen, quarrels and disagreements. The dream of a perfect relationship, unfortunately, can lead to the fact that you at the slightest misunderstanding can opt out of the relationship that could be happy.
What to do?
Do not look for absolute matches. It’s not possible. The key to a happy relationship could be the concept of “good enough” Union. Focus on what you comfortable with a person, if you are happy more often than unhappy, would you want to be with him, I wonder whether you together. If you happy and 70% of the time spent together with loved ones, chances are you are on the right track.
3. The desire to teach and save
For a happy relationship there is another destructive belief – I can change the partner. “Well, she looks bright and flirts, that will love me and be modest”/ “that he Is now all weekend with friends on the football in the bar, get married, the family will be in the first place.” Love, of course, are able to change a person, to shift its priorities, to influence values. However, this process is very little influenced from outside. You will not be able to control it. I will want change, in the same way as he wants. All other manipulations and violence, and it’s not on what building happy unions.
What to do?
To be in a relationship with a real person, and not with his invented an improved image in my head. If you don’t like something in a partner, you have to look at whether you will be able to put up with this throughout your relationship. If not, maybe it’s just not your man.
4. The belief in the immutability of the senses
To be in a happy partnership, we can interfere and the belief that in a relationship you can join once and for all. What if you said the word love, now it’s always, if this promise, you can’t break them under any circumstances. We all want to live in a safe, secure world, we like to think that there is light at the unchanged things. Unfortunately, these things are not human feelings.
In order to stay alive, they need air. This does not mean that a long and happy Union is impossible. Just imagine that every time you have a new meeting with a partner and relationships change, acquire new colors.
What to do?
To realize that between you and your partner is happening here and now. Every meeting try to focus on reality, on actual feelings and needs. If you pay attention to yourself and your close, the chance to build a long, happy relationship are much higher.
5. Patience and deception
Deception and dishonesty – not the best basis for a happy partnership. The flexibility is useful for establishing contact with others. But if for the sake of the relationship you have to radically change or hide a significant part of that is your personality, it is an alarming sign. To build a happy relationship, hiding, pretending and manipulating, it is impossible. By cheating you not only hurt the partner, how many resign themselves to a joyless life full of pretence and hypocrisy. Even worse, if for the sake of the relationship you have to endure unpleasant and adapt to the wrong.
What to do?
Self-knowledge is a good base for building a healthy and happy relationship. This can help you with individual or group psychotherapy.