In the psychologist’s office I often hear the question, exposing the pain and sense of injustice. It sounds something like this: why is it every time my love and relationships turn into suffering and disappointment? Consider negative scenarios of the relationship.
There are several answers to this question, but the most important, in my opinion, lies in the unconscious. Throughout life many of us as if to attract certain situations, certain people with certain character traits and reactions. We choose the format of relations, which is associated with a painful part of our psyche, part of our traumatized Me, our neurotic character trait. We repeat the bad experience of childhood or adolescence, and then wonder why the next relationship ends in breakup and disappointment.
Our psyche is strongly influenced by the experience of relationships with significant persons in childhood. The fate of the instincts and the character is formed on the basis of this experience. Allocate six negative scenarios of the relationship that I have met in my life.
6 negative scenarios of the relationship
1. Masochistic-sadistic relationship
When a person with masochistic tendencies enters into a relationship with a sadist, a psychopath . In a relationship, he suffers, gives the opportunity to humiliate himself, suffereth violence, but something holds it from time to time. This may be extreme thirst, unquenchable hope, the rapture of a foreign power, strength and beauty.
2. Masochistic-sacrificial relationships
It’s a constant game of Savior, which becomes a way of life. Man saves his partner, usually the weak, the infirm, often alcoholic while he believes in its mission and proudly carries his sacrificial cross. Such format of relations is not uncommon for psychologists and those who always chooses partners who are prone to depression.
3. Hysterically schizoid relationship
When a person chooses a long-distance relationship, often in the form of a marriage guest, or virtual conversations. Usually such behavior is hiding a fear of intimacy, which is common in people with hysterical and schizoid traits.
4. Hysterical-narcissistic relationship
When both partners are obsessed with someone else’s attention and care. They love to be the center of attention, we can say that they have eternal unquenchable thirst for recognition. The tragedy is that they lack that in a relationship and sooner or later they will start to look for attention on the side. Such format of relations is accompanied by adultery, jealousy, resentment, but it attracted many high level of passion and adrenaline.
5. Compulsive, hysterical attitude
When a woman all the time falls in love with a married man (or man in a married woman), or when you just pull on treason. No matter how loved you close partner, still want to sleep with others, is to deliberately change or abandon it. With the change often with the man who does not love and does not value as the first partner, the wife (husband). Of course, it’s illogical, but nature is stronger than common sense.
6. Narcissicism-distanced relationship
When a person uses a partner as a trophy. He doesn’t want love, he wants to win someone else’s love, body, or attention, to satisfy their sick ego. For such people, appearance, money, status is much more important than the content of the relationship, love and intimacy. Perhaps there is not even any interest in personality, only found interest in one aspect.
The biggest drama is that people are losing their negative scripts that do not learn from their mistakes, do not learn useful experience from their romantic failures. Often they do not even realize what is happening. It is important to emphasize that the negative scenarios can be a number, a person can change them for life or to play one or two scenarios for a long time. In such a relationship is rarely true intimacy, but often manipulation and violence.
We often love not a real person, and the image in my head. Many girls in every new relationship again “fall” in their fathers, brothers or significant childhood of the people. It is, of course, about the image of an ideal partner that is formed in childhood. They turn a blind eye to the real nature and actions of the partner. It all ends in tragedy.