Adults mistakes. How to build a real relationship?

Adults mistakes. How to build a real relationship?

Durable, balanced, real relationship is a model that has inspired most of us. From birth, we are literally surrounded by patterns that show us patterns of behavior, a pattern of actions that lead to goal – to meet my half and create strong family.

Unfortunately, anyone, even a perfect model might be a glitch, personal, designers can collapse, and presenting, when the picture to be rosy. Maybe we are doing something wrong? Make mistakes, are wrong themselves demolish what you can to strengthen and develop? All samples are true? Is it possible to be self-sufficient?

“The experience the son of errors difficult…”

The most common algorithm is the beautiful beginning of a relationship, feeling the folded puzzle, the similarity of views. At the stage of love the couple does everything together, all feelings and impressions become more acute tactile contact at the peak, to leave not even for a second. But “this too shall pass”. It is neither bad nor good, it is a normal development of relations. You are copies of each other, sooner or later one of you will want to change the usual image. And absolutely not because your relationship is no longer valuable. At this moment we delightful start to make mistakes.

1. Full identification

You used to say to each other and others words about “one” that they themselves are no longer able to think differently. At least one of you. In any relationship (love and friendship) it should be clearly understood that each “party” has its own character, its own baggage of experience and their own patterns of behavior. The difference between the partners begins to emerge slowly, but are growing. But a deep conviction that you will understand without words and do exactly as you would expect, remains and eventually brings enough problems.

2. Attempts to change the middle

It is a favorite and gained over the years. On the one hand, in adult life play by adult rules, and it rules hard intolerance to mistakes and “errors” of others. For example, in a working relationship, no one will re-educate the quitter, it just fired. But friends we somehow operate double standards. Behaviors of “their” can be irritating to the teeth gnashing, but we still hope to fix it. Sooner or later such attempts go sideways. In a love relationship (as in all others!) there is a law called “adequate response”. When you don’t like something in your side, your partner has the right to accept it. Why did you decide that you will obey? You are a parent, no one has given you the power to educate and to nurture. Attempts to alter by itself in most cases lead to the rupture of relations.

4. I’m a victim

You’ve been looking for love, you value relationships more than anything and are terribly afraid to lose them. Yes, it can be childhood traumas or negative stressful experience. The problem is that their desires and aspirations at the same time you put in last place, essentially devaluing yourself. Sooner or later, so carefully hidden is breaking out, and then you are immersed in guilt. If there is a fact of abuse (and with the victims is, unfortunately, typical story), the partner will successfully use and manipulate you to their advantage. Under any other scenarios, sooner or later you will require out of your partner for all your sacrifice. None of you will not understand what is happening: you are not aware of their frustrations and needs, and the partner will not understand what he should do. In such a relationship builds up tension and irritation, leading to alienation.

5. Delightful, the struggle for power

The development of relations, reaching a new level, change for the better is impossible without compromise. Compromise is not about the fact that some of you agree, secretly believing themselves to be more intelligent and flexible. Compromise is a good and equal dialogue, honest interaction and joint consideration of options.

Your struggle for power can be the result of past relationships. Are you trying to take what fell short with a previous partner. And this is the situation, bordering on indifference and selfishness. “For love is not a place”.

6. The fatigue

In addition to personal life, we are surrounded by quite a large space filled with different chores, chores and interactions. There are relationships with family and friends, have a job. And all of these lines are in fact equally important and occupy an important place in our lives. Starting your romantic history, you didn’t erase everything else? All these connections require a lot of desire and time them to maintain and develop. Can happen the stress, fatigue – and all this you splash out on a partner who, according to your beliefs, you need to support. But on the contrary you can not do – because it is not accepted to exhibit in the society on display what is happening outside of your door. It turns out unpleasant polarity and a kind of double standard. All this leads to family conflict.

Learn and accept

Any relationship needs to develop, so the changes you need to adopt positively and learn from their experience. Attention to each other, love and respect, the adoption of the crisis and the ability to dialogue will help to build a truly strong relationship. Of course, if this is of interest to both partners.

We should finally realize that:

  • Family is not an end in itself. Otherwise you slip into relationship-formality, coexistence, full of laws, morals and mutual accusations. The purpose is what you came up with in the family. Your goals should be associated with the feeling of happiness, not to deny self, and to go to them you must want both. This is probably one of the main rules of a happy family life. Your happiness does not depend on the globality of your goal – maybe you want to move out of town or climbing mount Everest – the important thing is that you want both. The family in this format is a great assistant.
  • You have to learn to talk, even if your whole life you believed that it is better to silence the problem, it will resolve. The rules are simple: you need to learn beforehand to speak about their desires and needs, not relying on the talent of your companion. Must be able to find solutions that will suit both of you. It is always better to tell and to ask again if you are not sure that understood correctly. Please, talk!
  • Trust is necessary. Yes, to live with an open heart is a great courage and a great gift. Most of closes after a few betrayals and disappointments. It’s hard even to write – but try to tell yourself: “it happens.” The universe will answer balance and harmony.
  • You should be able to be grateful for. That is the family and friends we forget to say “thank you”. Believe that all their actions are natural signs of attention everyday. However, magical “thank you” can work miracles.

Of course, real life, daily care and the relationship is much more complicated than written arguments on this subject. But all this is part of our huge puzzle called “life”. To collect it it is necessary carefully and without haste, savoring each of the resulting picture.