Confluence is a modern disease of love

Confluence is a modern disease of love

We ate. We have taken the first step. We grew the first tooth. Speech that touches and makes you smile. After all, once in the imagination POPs up with the sweetest chubby cheeks. We finish the 9th grade. We can’t choose where to go. What? We?? In such moments I feel very sad. I want to go, knock on the head and say, “What are we?! You crazy? Your child is 16 years old.” That somehow the problems begin in people in relationships with this confusing word “confluence”.

What is confluence

Confluence – the merging of man with another human being. When you merge with others so that they begin to live his life, and his. Remember how in the movie “Runaway bride” with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. The roots of this problem come from childhood.

For baby and moms to be in the merge is a necessary condition for full-fledged life of the child. Up to a certain age it is vital. But then begins the gradual separation of the mother from the child. And by this age the child should become a separate independent person, and mom to continue to live their lives. This process is called .

To remove unhealthy fusion in the relationship between parents and children, and in the subsequent relations between the partners must be a proper independent person. You must have an opinion, to be able to rely on myself to have normal self-esteem, to have Hobbies and interests. In General, to live their full life. And for this, as practice shows, it takes courage.

This is the paradox that gave birth to us in order that we may live for someone? First we live for mom and realize her unfulfilled dreams and fears. Then we, like the baton pass in the hands of a partner and realize his fantasies and dreams. The inability to accept ourselves does not give us the ability to be a self for ourselves. Hence such complexity at a time when our partner leaves us. We are faced with the feeling of “not me“. As in the cartoon: if not you, then I do not. Think for a moment on this phrase! Imagine: your partner has left you and disappeared. You wiped off the face of the earth. It’s your choice. And you do it every day. Agreeing to go to the movies without thinking what they saw, not listening to your feelings, you slowly but surely remove myself from piece by piece and thrown to the sidelines of life. Imagine yourself assembled from LEGO parts. One part is painted in blue, another in red, green, yellow. But your pieces of only one color, everything else is the confluence. Now remove all unnecessary and leave only your color. What you have left?

How can I check, are you merging with someone or not?

Who am I? Tell us about yourself:

  • What do you like and why? Favorite movie, Director, book, dish, drink, color of eyes, color of clothing, flower, tree, Hobbies, etc. How all that remains consistent from partner to partner?
  • How quickly you agree to any proposals for time? Why?
  • With the change of partner does your Hobbies? For example, first you were a fan of hockey, because the guy played hockey, then you suddenly fell in love with Cycling.
  • When choosing a partner, you always addicted to those who have Hobbies and interests? Do you begin all of what he says to watch, to read, to do? You know your partner and his habits better than yourself?

If Confluencia, or merging – it’s about you, and from the realization that you are sad, you have a chance to fix it. This is a difficult, painful journey, but it is finite and can be overcome.

How to cure Confluencia

1. The first step on this path is to take responsibility for their actions and choices on themselves. Please note that in addition to a pleasant sense of unity in the pronoun “we” includes the division of responsibility. Whatever happens, there is always at least in my head to shift responsibility to another. Also “we” saves us from loneliness and conflict. And you pay only the lack of freedom and dependence.

2. Second step – start to study yourself. When you offer something, take a pause and check whether you want it or not.

3. Third step – find the differences between self and partner, between you and everyone else.

4. Fourth step – use “I”, “you”.

One of the reasons the pain of withdrawal from mergers is fear of losing intimacy. But having overcome this fear, you get a bonus in itself, and a bright new relationship on equal terms, as a person with a personality. Second bonus: if your relationship breaks down you lose a partner, but you will remain you. And, believe me, a lot!

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