Cute the enemy. What to do if you are stuck in a relationship with abuterol

Cute the enemy. What to do if you are stuck in a relationship with abuterol

I blame myself

Perhaps every psychologist has repeatedly faced in their practice with the problem of emotional abuse in personal relationships.

And most of all, with all the diversity in the details, customer stories share one important feature – like man finds himself in a relationship filled with uncertainty, fear, disorientation, discomfort, and even suffering, but can not change anything. In his memory, stored with pleasant memories of how wonderful it all began, happy episodes are moving carefully, like a jewel in the box, and presented as a proof that it is still possible to fix if you try.

And victims of abuse in unison asking: “What am I doing wrong? How can I fix it MYSELF so everything is back to before?”

Fortunately, if the victim of psychological abuse lack of moral and physical strength to ask for help, the injuries inflicted on the person, you adjust, and experienced a traumatic experience to successfully integrate.

Gradually, people began to recognise the role of abuser in the current situation, learns to divide areas of responsibility. It “remembers” itself, as an independent free person with your values, goals, and desires, have the right to choose classes, circle and way of thinking. Of course, it’s a long road to recovery, requiring the combined work of client and therapist.

The sooner you stop close contact with a person prone to violence, the more chances you have to stay safe.

How to recognize abuser in the early stages of Dating?

All the victims say that their story started very beautifully: partner literally flooded them with love and admiration showered with compliments, signs of attention, talked about their features, exclusivity.

It really is this crazy love? Or a reason to wonder with you whether the real deals is this man? If you are familiar not long, your partner or to evaluate you solely on external parameters and not in a hurry to get your spiritual world, or building a relationship with an imaginary ideal, which is very difficult to compete for a living person. And as soon as you show any feature that does not fit into the image he created, abuser will not give you descent.

Raised not only the hand

In ordinary consciousness the phenomenon of violence is identified, usually with aggressive actions, including the use of physical force. However, in a situation of violence as a form of aggressive behavior whose purpose is to harm another person, along with the actions of a physical nature, there are such kinds of violence, such as:

  • sexy
  • economic,
  • psychological.


What to do?

Try to listen to your inner voice, because usually in the beginning of the relationship we still remain sober perception. Do not dismiss any, even the slightest doubt. Don’t be afraid to ask clarifying questions, listen carefully to the answers, learn the warning signs, so as not to miss their recurrence – so you quickly note the systematically repeated violations of your boundaries.

Faster fast

Your fan force events, gives you time to recover, to think, rapidly reduces the distance. “I want to sleep and Wake up with you every day,” “Let’s live together” and calls every half hour, meeting on the way home from work, sometimes without warning.

On the one hand, it can be sincere caring and tender feelings, on the other hand, the reason to slow down and ask yourself: “And if I have time this frantic pace? What do I feel? Do I want to be with this person every waking minute? Or I spun a whirlwind of attention, and I’m just following the will of another?”

What to do?

At this stage it makes sense to slow down and remember other interests. If your a fan you healthy, non-toxic attraction, he will respect the fact that you can and should have its own, separate from his life. Potential abuser likely to react painfully, and at an early stage will begin to manipulate your feelings of guilt. No matter how flattering attention, try to increase the distance or even collapse of communication.

Markers problems

Psychological violence is the effect aimed at a loved one with a goal of establishing over them their power. To do this systematically using tools such as:

  • reproaches and abuse;
  • neglect;
  • intimidation;
  • insults and ridicule;
  • control over the activities on the daily schedule above the circle of communication;
  • forced performance of humiliating actions.


Just me and you

Suddenly you realize that a month has not seen his girlfriend, which met every weekend, missed a corporate party, and each time as if to apologize, when a telephone conversation with the mother is delayed more than five minutes.

You think of good arguments why you need to be at the meeting at eight in the evening, and then hear from a “caring” partner as your employer is using you. Your friends are called “manipulators”, a friend always sticking with your stupid advice, parents influence you, but you’ve got to grow up and get their opinion. Which, of course, you should have shared, one for two. Know better?

And maybe, just abuser very scary to lose control over you, so he carefully isolates you from your inner circle who can “bring you around”? In a healthy relationship a loving man will not seek to insulate you from communicating with other people, trusting your ability to take Mature decisions when choosing their circle of friends.

What to do?

You’re already in a relationship with abuterol. Do your best to remember that you are an individual and only you have the right to dispose of his life. Maybe this will be a regular meeting with friends and family or a new project at work, neglected Hobbies, languages, dance, the second higher education.

The meeting with the psychologist who directed the return of man to himself. All these actions will probably provoke abuser to show his true face. Don’t be afraid to worsen or losing a relationship, remember who truly loves you will show understanding to your needs. The deterioration faces a toxic relationship in which to remain unsafe.

Winged swing

Just yesterday it was all so beautiful – you are bathed in affection and thought, what could be different. And today, he goes black clouds and refuses to talk, not answering or even disappear for a few days.

The first time you think something happened, I worried and worried. Very soon abuser will give you to understand that his condition is caused by you, your actions or words.

He probably succumbed to your inquiries, sooner or later will tell you what the cause of his change. Subsequently, if you remain in relationship, even you won’t be able to get – you will know exactly what to blame, but never know what.

Aggressiveness is not generated by the property, and has deep foundations in the human psyche.

In the very early stages, you should alert the sudden breaks in communication, “failure”, which then explains your behavior, mood swings, the liability for which the partner puts on you.

What to do?

Once it becomes clear that the partner regularly shift responsibility for their own mood on you, explains your reactions and your influence needs to regulate his behavior, you need to stop communicating. Of course, if you want to have nontoxic relationships and maintain your mental health. To change such a person correcting their behavior, it is impossible.

It’s all jealousy

Jealousy as a feeling is a natural property of our psyche. But if a healthy person is able to choose ways of dealing with their feelings and their manifestations, abuser is unable to contain fits of jealousy, exhibit excessive emotionality.

Often we take the zeal for the manifestation of the great love and terribly wrong. Pathological jealousy is a vivid manifestation of self-doubt, which can not be corrected by changing your behavior.

Pathological jealous creates a special rule in relationships that only get worse over time. For example, in the beginning of a relationship a fan can simply ask whom you’ve been talking on the phone, or look in your phone using the shoulder, trying to see the message. Later, the jealous man will not have even the fact that he could interpret not in your favor, it is well to invent everything from the beginning to the end, to accuse you of misconduct.

What to do?

Faced with the extreme manifestations of jealousy, try to distance themselves. Pathologically jealous can be dangerous and capable of and after a breakup to poison the lives of the victims who consider their property. It is therefore important to try to see the first manifestations of pathological jealousy in the early stages of Dating, while abuser not “assigned” to you.

What’s yours is mine

Partner prone to abuse, has blurred boundaries, perceiving you as a sort of appendage. He knows exactly how you better. Your personal interests, aspirations, achievements in the peak stage are given or depreciate. Any opinion which does not coincide with his opinion, will be resolutely suppressed any attempt at resistance be suppressed by threats or manipulation on the sense of shame or guilt. At first, this merging of boundaries seems to be the victim even attractive and gives a certain illusion of intimacy and care, until you realise that you just hand over your privacy to the mercy of the winner. And you were not the owner.

You wonder if your new friend is constantly making decisions for you both, not interested in your opinion, defines what to eat, what to wear, where to live and how to spend leisure time.

What to do?

If you feel pressure, try to take a break. Ask them to give you time to think about the situation. If the partner does not want to stop, move away from contact with him. Do breathing exercises, take a walk, think about what happened, and formulate your attitude to all this. Try not to think about what your partner what he thinks or feels, what are his reasons to behave that way. Try to see, to experience themselves and their needs, and then calmly explain your decision to your partner.

If you are in a toxic relationship, it’s probably not like abuser, and your needs will be ignored in the future. Don’t forget that in a healthy relationship there is always a place of dialogue where each partner has the opportunity to talk openly about their needs.

All bad

To recognize abuser in the initial stages of the relationship and even the way he talks about other people. From the first days of acquaintance, you may notice that your fan is inclined to carefully inspect the behavior of others. Moreover, the conclusions are mostly negative.

Loved ones he criticizes and blames on his “former” also speaks unflattering. In the store or cafe, it can disrespectful to treat the staff, at the same time with significant figures deals with ostentatious reverence (for the eyes and releases the sarcastic comments). Almost never abuser does not recognize its share of responsibility for the failure. In situations of conflict he blames the other side, it is very difficult to apologize. Yes, he really does not see his guilt in his picture of the world around – enemies.

What to do?

It is easy to fall into the illusion that you will be different. Maybe your a fan of charmed, you seem to him a “ray of light”. But the honeymoon inevitably will pass and you will receive their portion of blame and criticism. The good news is that to hide such a trait of man is not a very long time, usually the first signs you will catch already on the first or second meeting. Try not to engage too much in relationship with criticizing and condemning all human.

Of course, all of us is a heightened state where their emotions and behavior difficult to control. It is important to be wary when the actions and statements of a partner starts to be traced the system. The more signs of abuse you notice, the more the probability to get stuck in toxic relationships.