Dangerous liaisons. 9 stages of destructive love

Dangerous liaisons. 9 stages of destructive love

The first beauty University out of pity accepts the advances of classmate nerd. Three years later, she’s weeping on her knees before him, begging not to leave her, accepting the role of the third mistress, if only she was allowed to see him once a month.

Happy businessman, successfully concealing their ties on the side and it is not going to destroy the family, starts an affair with a woman who is inferior in all respects not only his wife, but previous mistresses. To the complete amazement of others, he soon filed for divorce and evicting the family from the apartment. His business is slowly falling apart and the health of the owner, and five years later a young man turns into a real wreck.

I think this is only possible in a parallel Universe? Wrong. All the laws of the universe stand on its head when it comes in he is the representative of the “dark triad”.

To “triadica” canadian psychologists DelRoy Paulus and Kevin Williams relates:

  • psychopaths
  • daffodils,
  • machiavellians.

These people:

  • prone to antisocial behavior, impulsive, heartless and unscrupulous, incapable of forming sincere affection;
  • indulge in regular fantasies about their own greatness alternating with periods of self-deprecation, have no empathy;
  • manipulators and schemers seek to achieve their goals at any cost.

There are certain stages of a destructive scenario, in which is involved the victim “triadica”.


In this phase, the predator collects information about the victim. Months study of social media, are questioning the friends and family of the aggressor tries to penetrate to the essence of man. He wants to figure out what kind of partner wants the victim to play in front of her, this perfect image. If a predator is communicating directly with the victim, that’s nothing special in it does not see – that it is important not to give out their real “Me” in the future, skillfully turned into a magical Prince.


Understand what role you need to play predator moves into an active attack. He worships and praises the partner, passing to other humiliating or humbling myself, can read minds and anticipate the desire. The victim creates the illusion of total unity, there is an unprecedented sense of kinship shower. It flows into euphoria: a dream come true!


It is difficult to wear a mask and pretend to be genuinely loving 24 hours a day. Perverto quickly want to move on to the operating partner, and from time to time he arranges check – tightly if he is hooked on the hook? At this stage, the victim notices the first alarm bells. A strange flash of aggression, the sudden disappearance for a couple of days without explanation, suspicious communication with the opposite sex. However, any claims are always compelling justification, and the idyll is restored.


Making sure that the victim is in love with him and to escape it would be difficult, predator resets all masks. “A cold shower” – a sharp shock which cuts the ground from under her feet and flips her world upside down. Prince charming, who for weeks were singing about how they will live in a house by the sea, raising a wonderful son and a cute daughter, is deep and not for the first time married, had grown children and change the state of Affairs is not going to. The most loyal of the girls said that it was time to leave – out of the blue, without explanation, after a romantic evening. Gentle and affectionate kitty beats his Bunny to traumatic brain injury. “She was pure as snow in the winter”, and was the most popular woman in the area.


The victim in prostration from horror and pain: a tale turned into a complete collapse. Maybe not turned?.. Maybe it seemed?.. In fact yesterday it was so good, can’t people change dramatically in one day? Apparently, bad period: problems at work, geomagnetic activity and the conjunction of Sirius with Mars. “And maybe I am to blame? It was not necessary to raise your voice because of the broken plate. He’s such a little sensitive, so touchy, so I couldn’t resist. Fool me, a good man to battering brought”.

So says the victim, grasping at any straw that will help to reach to the gate of a lost Paradise. The predator and prey roles are reversed: now the latter are willing to do anything to be there, and he only allows himself to serve. Pervert celebrates his victory and relaxes: he’s upstairs, he’s in a strong position, he dictates the conditions. Of course, abuser (from English abuse — violence) periodically renews a former romantic time to support the victim of an illusion, due to its behavior it will return the happiness in the relationship, and the nightmare will end.


Happiness has come! For trudnica, of course. The victim is totally demoralized and reminiscent of a wounded animal slowly dying. Because whatever she was trying to have a relationship, no matter how many “favorite” or threw her hopes for future happiness, it only gets worse.

Over time, abuser cease to trouble yourself with illusions of a return to its former love – sacrifice on the hook, why bother? The purpose of this stage was to squeeze out of the unfortunate partner a maximum of resources (mental, emotional, material, etc.).


“Black sheep – though wool a shred” – judiciously thinks, “triadic” and therefore the relationship breaks rarely. Attachments – no for a profit of one hundred percent and higher. Predator graciously accept all that you want to give: money, praise, consumer services, attention and sympathy… Any resource that the victim is not able to provide, it is easy to find on the side. However, if the victim is de-energized so that take it with nothing, pervert mercilessly leaves her in the lurch. Even if she sold his one apartment to invest in his business. Conscience, recall that these people have.


Before surrounded by the pervert plays an incredible show named after himself, the great and only took with him in an intimate relationship know his true identity. Things like separation, have a significant disadvantage – the risk of publicity. If the victim starts to talk too much, his reputation may well falter. And the predator begins a plaintive cry to others, describing the horrors of the lives, of being with such a bad and spoiled special, to interpret the facts in their own way, to enlist the support of public opinion. Particularly good even pereverbovat of the victim’s, so she is not without the moral support of family and friends.


Sometimes a miracle happens: the victim finds the strength to go first. Rage of the aggressor in such cases is infinite, because the blow fell on his main passions – pride, and the cruel plans destroyed. He wants only one thing – revenge. Knowing the pain points of the partner, avenges it brilliantly. He can remember the most minor offense many years. Stalin, for example, settled scores with all his enemies, he remembered everything from his childhood grievances.


Since Dr. house all kinds of patriots firmly in Vogue. A sociopath or a psychopath – it sounds good! Pervertage of all kinds teeming with the popular “Game of thrones” – red flag. Even fans of Conan Doyle, Steven Moffat and mark Gatiss, moving his Sherlock Holmes in the twenty-first century, has transformed him from a pure schizoid in a highly sociopathic. Is psychopathy was a symptom of modernity?

Narcissistic traits in varying degrees are present in almost every one of us, however, the net “trudnikov” – about 4 % (three-quarters of them are men). Each of us though time in life faced by a representative of that dark Kingdom, sometimes even not knowing what danger it was saved by fate.

The question arises: why do they do it? The distinction between different types trudnikov thin, one person can present the features and machiavellist, and a psychopath, and a narcissist. In a very rough generalization we can say this:

Machiavelli mess with our heart and soul to use for his own purposes: to get a residence permit, to take away part of the business, get help in school or home round-the-clock service. For these buns, they are ready to sell even to Satan, not to mention the fact, to be a little flatter gullible person. Sociopathic Herman in Queen of spades says: “Why not try your luck? To introduce her to podmetina in its favour, perhaps become her lover – but it all takes time – and she was eighty-seven years old – she could die in a week, – in two days!” But if the victim is not 87, and at least 78, the case is simplified significantly!

Daffodils may experience a slight feeling of love. However, it is important to understand the structure of his personality. True self of the narcissist atrophied, but abundantly present “I” is ambitious: accumulation of fantasies about themselves. He presents himself as a handsome man, Superman, the future leader of the list “Forbes”. For the narcissist, the partner is only a means to strengthen the big “I”. The main thing – that the trophy was recognized as of public importance (the first beauty of the village, the owner of a red Lexus or honors). Often the predator is looking for in a partner the qualities that would like to have myself, cheerful disposition, intelligence, charm. Entering into a relationship, he seems to be absorbing some of these qualities. Therefore, many victims have after a breakup feel sucked, as if they had taken an important part of the personality.

These sincere feelings seem Narcisse bland and boring – he always need drama with wybranymi things out the window, and intentions to jump in after things so he has a chance at least to feel something. Simple “human” feelings lead vampire in horror and rage as they turned to his true, and not the grandiose “I”. Beautiful Golden statue dissolves in the air, and in its place arises a crooked little dwarf – this feels to be a narcissist, when you say, “You’re as human as everyone, but I love you.” He’d rather hear: “someone like you never gave birth to humanity and never give birth,” even if his only talent master tying my shoes.

Psychopaths are bored – they are an adrenalin addicted. That is why they are riding at 200 km/h in the city centre, to start a brawl in front of the police station or try the more sophisticated drugs. The simultaneous seduction of a few girls, and even under the noses of their husbands, may briefly cheer up psycho and make his life interesting. And self-esteem as raises!

Of course, “trudnice” well camouflaged, otherwise there would be such a great number of broken hearts and lives. How to recognize that your lover is a predator? What to do if you are trapped in a destructive relationship? Read about it in the article .



In the modern world blurs the line between normality and pathology, health and illness, in its various manifestations. This applies both to individual personality characteristics, and areas of relations, including love. Dishonesty became known as the “practicality”, use – “expediency”. If the patient becomes a person, it is its personal tragedy. If society is losing its moral compass and clear boundaries, it is a tragedy of global. The trouble with our times is not that there are narcissists, psychopaths, antisocial psychopaths, etc. the Trouble is that their behavior is often perceived by society as the norm. A healthy body should have sufficient immunity to reject something that might hurt him. And society is important to hold your boundaries. A reminder that “no one else will give a hand” can hold many misdeeds. Those who are disorderly conduct in his personal life, once was not accepted “in polite society”. But if people are willing to forgive, to justify, to ignore bad behavior, they encourage him. And then we bear ourselves monsters that devour us.
Irina Solovyova, a clinical psychologist, specialist in body-oriented psychotherapy, bodynamics, art therapy, working with addictive behaviour


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