It so happens that you say or write the word or question, and the answer is! And surprise give something rash. And away we go. Getting into a cycle of conflict, it is not always possible to quickly find and stop him. All dispersed at the corners of the offended, more sad, insulted and misunderstood. “I didn’t mean to…” or “You got me all wrong…” But a while ago will not return, it is what it is. Have something to do with what happened. How harmful scandals for a relationship?
Better a bad peace than a good quarrel
I can not agree with this proverb. I think many know examples of couples who never swore, was calm, vanilla, cloying. After a few years they silently dispersed and no one understood what happened. They were an example to all, never fought. Not arguing or silent and suppressed? Each case is individual. You don’t say anything, because offended and scroll all the dialogues in my head? Or do you really have nothing to say and find out?
It does not happen that the partners did not have claims against each other. On stage, a candy-bouquet period, the merger – Yes, probably. But then when you pass the stage of rose-colored glasses, you begin to consider your partner’s wide eyes with a large magnifying glass. And then begins the most important: either you dare to ask questions, clarify, talk about what does not suit you, or you conduct these conversations in my head, but the partner is afraid to say.
Fear of rejection is above your discomfort. And you prefer to abandon their comfort and desires than to somehow undermine the structure of your relationship. I want to disappoint you, every silence is the nail in the coffin of your love. By asking questions, clarifying, do you recognize yourself and your partner in the context of each other. If you are different and not compatible, it’s better if you learn about this in the early stages of your relationship.
Swearing or and the world the word leave
During the emotional recovery difficult to control yourself. Here is what people who come, it is unlikely that you remember about them and will start to apply. It is important that during the conflict, and when you hurt, you defend. At this point, each as he can.
Usually, you take from his pocket what you have accumulated. And accumulate can love, resentment, anger, trust, warmth. That’s what you have, for you answer in response. And about it is important to know and remember, and not to engage in gathering bad.
Not to collect, it is necessary in the moment to talk about what you like or don’t like. To say “no”. It is important to talk about their feelings about different things. That you are sad, fun, good, funny, painful, unbearable. Then your partner will better understand you and what you’re going through. Even psychologists ask questions about what you feel and what happens to you. Based on your stories, not their imaginations they learn and help customers.
What do you expect from your loved ones? They will figure it all out? No, do not guess, tell them.
Three rules which are used during an argument:
- Don’t insult each other, do not say hurtful words.
- Don’t blame the partner, talk about yourself and your feelings. Use “I-messages”.
- Do not make scandals before bedtime. Otherwise we get sleepless night.
If the scandals still happen and you go offended, try not to go back and not finish what came to mind. Take a sheet of paper and start writing everything you think about it. That you’re angry, you hurt, how you feel. What do you think about your partner.
If you give yourself time to write it all, then perhaps you will come to thoughts about that the previous partner or your parents, or bosses treat you the same. This is not surprising. Describe all your feelings for him. Free yourself from this pain. You might find that you like someone and do the same. Accept it in yourself.
Give yourself permission to be imperfect and to cause others pain. Allow yourself to be like someone from your parents, or someone you thought was horrible and unfair. After this resolution, as a rule, you relax, you no longer need to control himself. And you find a new solution, how to act in this situation.