For anybody not a secret, after release from quarantine, many couples in China have decided to divorce. Many forced being locked in four walls for a few months, swearing, offended, trying to avoid each other and thinking about divorce. Even the strongest couples are now experiencing difficult times.
Often turn to me after the Christmas holidays, sharing holidays, long holidays. As now, during the quarantine. How to save a relationship? How not to annoy each other? How to stay interesting? How to get out of quarantine, while maintaining a relationship. How not to get divorced after the lifting of the quarantine?
7 tips on how not to get divorced during the quarantine:
1. To take care of the borders
Her and her husband. It is not only: to knock when you come into the room to clean up things immediately, to respect the wishes and needs. This is about bodily touching, kissing, having sex every day can cause a nervous breakdown. Have a rest from each other. You can negotiate if you want – quietly to watch the show, while the other is learning online or reading. So pay close attention to the limits of the other – do not break once again. Better under than the pen in the borders.
2. To show all the emotions
That is not to block either in ourselves or in any partner of the phrase: “We all die”; “we Need to buy toilet paper, buckwheat and pasta!”; “It is terrible what happens to work”; “Afraid for their elderly relatives”; “Sick of home”; “what if I get infected?”. If the answer to the word partner, that’s all garbage, pass, pay no attention, nothing to worry about – they read a partner, not as support, but as the depreciation, misunderstanding, estrangement. So give yourself and him the right to any emotions, feelings, thoughts that come up. Practise acceptance.
3. Not to forget about yourself the one that you like
Earrings for Sunday dinner, fancy dresses, nail Polish, sports, even at home. To this acceptance, strength, resources, and energy for life. That fills you, gives you strength? Maybe good music in the morning? Bubble bath and essential oils? More self-care? Communicate with friends, even on Skype? Actions, situations, places, objects, status. Assignment for you: think and make a list of what you like, what inspires, gives energy.
4. To allow the husband to have another opinion different from yours
You may not agree with something. Or him. And that’s fine. Do not argue and do not swear, this fight could be the last. If he doesn’t agree, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. This means that he does not agree with something specific.
5. To criticize using “I-message”
The opinion of her husband is totally unacceptable, hurts you, tell me about it, but to be heard. Say whatever you feel. He is not a fool/idiot, and you are upset/angry/disappointed. And suggestion for the future, what we can do. For example, dear, I was upset that you did something, maybe next time you do this.
6. Look in the corridor good
Pay attention to what you do well, for example, to cook for the family. Perhaps something about a man you admire (something you chose to be your husband?). See the good that you do, observe it in yourself, in him, in the events of the day, the weather, the situation in quarantine, in life, and to underline, quote, highlights every time.
7. Allow yourself just to live
Eat yourself that 3 hours was stuck in social networks or husband played games on the computer. To live simply. And anyway, he does nothing, watching YouTube for hours. Allow yourself and him such moments. Let your own expectations about her husband or about yourself don’t make excuses. Saved hours in traffic jams can be devoted to self-development/work/my husband/myself and everything goes in a sticky, or a sense of guilt for undone? It’s OK now. It is important to live without guilt.
And remember, quarantine is ever going to end. There are things that are hard to survive, but they learn to live. This, for example, the death of loved ones. We won’t live until the end of his days, quarantine is a temporary measure. Though each day can seem an eternity. Throughout life is very long, the experience of other countries on average 2-3 months. Set yourself up for this time.
Finally I want to recommend a book to create warm, trusting relationships “Hold me tight” author sue Johnson. This scientific evidence but adapted to the ordinary reader, with its problems and issues. Of course, you can always ask for help from a psychologist if you can still loomed the prospect of divorce.
And remember that you chose your husband!