How to align relationship where one loves and the other allows himself to love?

How to align relationship where one loves and the other allows himself to love?

I just want to warn some of my readers: please I have nothing. Any psychologist will tell you that the question sounds absurd, even though we constantly ask him. The fact that the relationship is always one loves and the other only allows himself to love is the same toxic stereotype, like “beats – means loves”. In fact, no one relationship can not be called harmonious in the absence of reciprocity. Let’s look at why this is happening.

First and foremost, it is important to note that such relationships are, as a rule, people who initially have a psychological predisposition to lack of reciprocity. Here, as in most problems of relationships between the sexes, should look for the cause in childhood. Lack of parental love in childhood is reflected in adulthood: a person enters into a relationship with the same lack of love for ourselves and perceive this situation as normal.

The opposite events forming an equally unhealthy view of the relationship of the second member of such a dysfunctional couple and just so in principle, they find each other and decide that they have a future. But in fact, such a relationship is a trap that is very difficult to escape unscathed.

The one who loves

First, in a couple where the feelings are not mutual, the one who loves will continue to invest in these relationships and just give, give, give. The resources, primarily emotional, everyone exhausted. Sooner or later it will lead to burnout, especially given the fact that all of these efforts are wasted because either there or it is not.

In addition, each person always knows if his mutual feelings, even if they’re trying to fool yourself. From this inner awareness to continue the relationship is becoming every day harder. Starts painful soul-searching, one seeks the cause in itself, fixate on their flaws, trying to change something and simultaneously with the falling of the self becomes harder and harder to make the decision to leave.

He who allows himself to love

What is happening at this time with someone who “allows himself to love”? Basically, these people initially enter into a relationship to take and nothing to give in return. However, this does not soften the fact that I have to share my life with a man to whom no love. Even if there is sympathy, sooner or later it dries up and gives way to indifference. No matter how you try and force yourself to love another does not, even if the other manifests itself from the best side and at first glance meets all internal criteria of an ideal partner.

Next, accumulated irritation. Annoying attention of a partner, signs of love and attention begin to be perceived as hostile. The other partner is constantly looking for confirmation of the reciprocity of her feelings, and the realization that reciprocity, he can not give, also perceived by them painfully. This followed by only a gradual voltage increase and the depreciation of all that is and was between these people.

Is there a future?

Summing up, I want to say that if in the beginning such a model of relations and can give a pair of ghostly satisfaction, the future of such a relationship – always foggy and gloomy. These relationships can be harmonized only on time, but in solving one problem, you will quickly have to switch to another and so on to infinity.

Still you can’t force yourself or another person feel, especially when it comes to love. This unhealthy scheme and if you proved it, you need to not only out of this relationship before it’s too late, but to go to a therapist that will give you the keys to the understanding of the situation and help to find a way to build a healthy relationship.

The relationship is mutual and equal sharing. If you always stick to that rule your odds of success in family life will be much higher.