How to tell her husband about their claims and then not get divorced? How to convey to him that you it is important that he made time to not only work and family? How to make sure that he took out the trash and clean up the dishes himself, without reminders? Give 4 speech strategies, which will help to improve relations in the pair and to find a solution advantageous for both sides. Having mastered them, you will be able to negotiate effectively and to achieve their own without manipulation and removal of the brain.
4 speech strategies that will save the relationship
In life we get not what is worthy and what was agreed on. The main secret of any strong relationship, including family, – .
It is important not to be silent, and to always talk about their feelings. Not to hide, to hush up and not to adjust, and to choose the correct wording.
To your words sounded a charge, use the “I strategy”:
- Praise your partner and make him compliments through. Not “you’re so smart”, and “I admire your mind!”
- Express dissatisfaction through their feelings. Not “you’re bad, you hurt me!”, and “I feel hurt when…”
So you don’t appreciate a partner, not blaming him, don’t Express complaints. And talk about their feelings, without reproach, manipulation and a Declaration of war. Show that you are set for dialogue and a peaceful solution to the issue.
2. Thanks and compliments
Even if you think that your partner is a hopeless couch potato who does not make any contribution to the relationship, it is not. There is always something to thank the other person. In this case there are no trifles. It can be rendered garbage, cooked Breakfast, washed the socks yourself, anything!
This includes compliments. They help the other person to understand why you appreciate him. Compliments Express your faith in his ability to change something or to achieve something. This certainly increases your confidence and makes you want to justify your confidence.
Important! Are only sincere compliments and gratitude, not a labored grunt and a forced smile, which you and the very hard to believe.
Remember that paying attention to something increases. If you take the desired for granted and blamed for all the schools – you thereby make them focus and get more “bad”.
Therefore I propose to implement a simple habit: one expressed dissatisfaction, make 7 compliments/commendations to address his partner.
If you want to engage in constructive dialogue, cease to perceive the interlocutor as an opponent or enemy. Try to see it as a whole person with their own fears, motives, desires. Focus on what you have in common.
How to do it?
Use the 101 percent principle: find the 1% that you agree, and send him 100% effort.
The challenge is to negotiate. Not to push, not to persuade, not to prove his innocence. It is important to find meaning in the interlocutor. To build a dialogue that will be based on:
- respect to itself;
- the respect due to him;
- the points on which you both agree.
Directing attention to these points, you will be able to come to agreements and to obtain a result that satisfies both sides.
Always something for which to apologize. Even if you do not feel guilty. At least for any inconvenience.
This speech strategy removes the barrier between you and the source. He understands that you did not come to condemn, but to admit their mistakes. Communication immediately becomes simpler and easier.
You yourself are this strategy helps to remove the soul stone of guilt and shame.
Yes, apologizing can be difficult. After all, it seems to us that in this way we acknowledge our guilt and be “bad” in contrast to the “good” of the interlocutor, which convey the right to punish us. It invokes an ancient fear of loneliness, rooted in the days when the expulsion from the tribe was tantamount to death.
What to do to apologize better? I suggest to think, what if
- We are both good?
- Do not compare yourself with others?
- To apologize without expecting forgiveness? Providing to a second person the right to his own reaction.
- Forgiveness ≠ excuses. To apologize is to Express regret about what happened, keeping responsibility to yourself and leaving others the right to forgive or not. Excuses to absolve themselves of responsibility and transfer it to the circumstances/other person.
- To apologize is with a sense of dignity, no sense of guilt.
In any unclear situation, use one of the 4 or combine several strategies at the same time. And then you will be able to negotiate to happiness with a loved one. These 4 speech strategies can also be used in business meetings, conversations with relatives, neighbors and any people you meet on your life’s journey.