I’m a virgin. I am very concerned about is how to stop being a boy, to gain the confidence to become a man? I have difficulties in communicating with the opposite sex, some girls have noted my sensitivity and sincerity. I have no car, and sometimes you have to stand at the bus stop together and wait for the bus, freezing the girl… somewhere Else in the mind wanders offensive phrase: “do Not know how to take care of a woman, isn’t someone who can”. Generally experience little, all the time I’ve only dated two girls for a few months, not counting the five or six meetings with others, with whom on first meeting or Dating nothing went. Not enough determination. I sometimes thought about suicide. I feel like a wuss, a weakling. Sometimes feel tired of living. Please advise where to start to work on yourself?
Oleg, 22 years
First of all, I need to pay attention to your message about suicidal thoughts and unwillingness to live. Although it’s clear that these images are far from real implementation, and you talk about them, to more accurately describe the extent of your suffering, however, internal consultation of the psychotherapist will not damage. To separate the sadness, depression, guilt and inferiority from requiring the treatment of depression – a task which in such cases must be decided first before taken any psychological “experiments” over the individual.
Now actually about your personality. You ask, “how to stop being a boy, to gain the confidence to become a man”? And as it happens to others? Of course, gradually, by itself. Isn’t it? Why should you be different? You 22-year-old man with heterosexual orientation, I am sure that you have the appropriate body type, stable (albeit not outstanding) social status. You are absolutely a full member of society, and so many people that have a real incurable disease, the disabled, single pensioners, adult male, is experiencing a severe financial crisis, dying in the hot spots, from poverty, or addiction, could envy you.
Of course, to “freeze the girl at the bus stop” waiting for a taxi in that time, passing by elegant limousines can be somewhat uncomfortable. Especially stress this point – if your attention is focused not on the present next to you girl and missing you have a limousine or even a simple car.
The fact remains – you are worried about yourself, about how not to feel like “a rag, a weakling.” Not a girl, not what she feels, including you, not about his love for her, not even of how she’s really cool (she probably at this moment can be cold unless your feelings), and not even about your future family. You worry about yourself!
You count how many “pieces” of the meetings you have been able to organize and “suffer” from their lack. And if these do not have the continuation of the meetings, it was not five or six, and “pieces” of fifty or sixty and they all would have continued in the conditions of a good car, a decent café, a hotel room or apartment? This dramatically changed the situation? You did not appear to feel that tired of living, or it would appear a few days later, 32 or 42 years after the hundred and fiftieth or hundred and sixtieth meeting?
I deliberately exaggerating the situation with only one purpose – to clearly show you “how to begin to work on ourselves.” You want to “stop being a boy become a man”, that is, to gain maturity? Great! Just move the view with themselves at the world and try to feel gratitude for what you have in it, compared to those that would not have. It will be a really good start to work on them, and if the start is successful, then more will come by itself… just like the others.