“Is there any hope that he will cease to humiliate me?”

“Is there any hope that he will cease to humiliate me?”

Hello. My name is Nastya. My boyfriend and I talk for about a year (he is 27). I began to notice that he came to me and starts picking on every little thing. It shows dissatisfaction with the fact that we stand together in the morning (I’m a night owl, he’s a morning person). In his opinion, I have to be up before him, and when he wakes up, Breakfast should already be on the table and state. Although I can make it until he takes a shower. I forgot to fold his work clothes; I washed the bathroom sink; I have a rice turned out too dry, wrong I cut the cabbage; I talk to him not as if he wanted to… I try to please him in everything, but my boyfriend only notices the little things that lead to quarrels. But about the fact that I don’t like it (scattered socks, torn clothes older home with sagging knees), my silence is not sawing. He offered to live together and move to a foreign country. But I have something to lose. I thought about what would become of a loved one, which to me seemed perfect. Now I’m scared. For me there is nothing worse than listening to this “truth”, as he suffered this from his mother. I told him that it is a boring and fault-finding hurts and humiliates me. He’s always in all the quarrels makes me think I’m a really bad cook and clean and enough gentle with him. Believes that if we keep quiet, it would be unfair. And I have to do everything right. This man is really very good, but its fault-finding me it is very aggravating. Is there any hope that he will cease to humiliate me, if there’s a conversation in which I correctly able to convey all that I feel? Or people don’t change? I know exactly what to endure that can not. It is now, and, I assume, will be nitpicking more unthinkable.
Anastasia, 22 years

The young man hardly changed in his relationship with you. He still loves. But he has a model of “family life” in which the wife and husband roles are defined: the husband – grumpy, mean, a tyrant, a wife – angel of patience and goodness. Ask him about his family system – rather, it copies the father’s or mother’s behavior. Maybe he and the mother found fault with the Pope, and he is insured from repetition of the plot. Ask him where he got the idea of such a distribution of roles? And tell us how you in this role, stuffy, disgusting, insulting. And ask, is there any chance you both have some role to compose for your unique, your particular unit? Can it somehow be your fault trends to monitor? If not, then enter a humorous system of “offsets” and bonuses. Tell me, what did he find fault with you for “dry rice” – so next time you have for “curvy” figure to thank. If you have forgotten – you get a reasonable opportunity to complain to him for scattered socks. If you forget to thank him for neatly folded socks, he gets reasonable opportunity to find fault with you over the bathroom sink. It’s like a game, and grown-up… And also share responsibilities on the farm. Until a written agreement who is responsible for what and that makes. If he emphasizes the fact that housework is only for women, then ask, on what basis? If he is the main breadwinner in this relationship and therefore exempted from housework, ask him to review the price list Economics: how much now services of the house of a cook, maid, washing, Ironing and stuff… and ask him to pay for your labor – or “barter”, or money. And if you start yelling, accusing you of commercialism, tell him that you really like – it’s true, right? and that’s the way your feelings are trying to rescue from the toxicity of household behavior. And what you are willing and his way of salvation to discuss…