I met with a young man for about three months, one day we went to the movies and he told me that I have for him is no longer interesting, he doesn’t see me as a woman. I left, called and the meeting was not looking. Literally a week later I met him in a nightclub, so repeated several times. I thought since he goes one and then giving me a ride home with a friend, he so wants to come back. But he advised me to look for another. In the end, I gave him my favorite spot, when suddenly he began to engage in my sports club. I try to communicate with him friendly, but of course want more. What motivates him, why he survives me out of “my” places, why did he have this ? By the way, young man – an orphan, raised by grandparents who are already dead. That’s the story of childhood.
Nadezhda, 26 years
Your last words to actually answer all the questions. Painful history of childhood traumatic personality distorts the reaction cannot be predictable. If childhood is filled with fear, dishonesty, guilt, feelings of inferiority, various manipulations, humiliation, cheating, insult, the result of the child simply learns not right, that is, of course, to behave with others. Such “science” is not given to itself, it’s learn from an early age. Start small, step by step learning its basic rules and in further improving their skills. Any contact business, intimate, friendly, casual – conducted by its own laws. They are not universal and have their own peculiarities in every culture, religion, social layer, the professional community, even in the metropolis of the province and they can vary considerably.
What’s going on between you two? Game. You understand how to behave. You expect that these rules also familiar and your partner. At least you really would like to have accepted them, because they are not too difficult. But you and your friend in my childhood was completely different “games”. I think he was playing for survival. The mind-set that easily you learned in childhood, is unknown to him. Hence all the misunderstandings and difficulties. Have no illusions, because he mocks you as well as abused him when he was little. Perhaps he “owns” more and other “techniques” that he will experience in the future, hopefully not on you. He will meet a partner with a similar fate for which such suffering will also be familiar from childhood and will not seem out of the ordinary. They will try to love each other, but mostly will suffer, periodically exchanging roles according to the scenario of the game.
You feel love, mixed with suffering. You cheer quietly to yourself, for example every time I let him drive himself home from the club or be invited to speak, despite his obvious inadequacy. Be careful. Many in such situations do not notice how there passes all life. You clear mockery could be seen as some sort of minor flaw large and magnificent game called love. Not encouraging, in any important matter are no trifles. If you want to insure against these kinds of situations, we carefully study the psychology of sadomasochistic relationships.