If you want to make your life different a healthy balance, you should set personal boundaries and determine your priorities in life.
Because of their profession, on the first psychotherapeutic encounters, I often hear stories of people who are sad, unhappy or unhealthy. Their circles of intimacy, responsibility and influence are reversed and boundaries are blurred.
However, few people at first, aware that the causes of their personal failures are rooted in misplaced priorities and selflessly operation itself, and life’s resources for the benefit of the business, project, children, Hobbies, preferences and so on.
The exercise “Circles of closeness” is a great tool to “show” those weak places through which takes energy from your life, to prioritize and restore the boundaries where they are needed.
The instructions to the exercise “Circles of intimacy, responsibility and influence”
Take the two sheet of paper and draw on each of not less than five laps. The second circle divided into two parts by the dashed line (circle 2A and 2B). Imagine your life and spread in the circles myself, people, things, work, Hobbies, Pets, dependencies, possessions, and so on in order of importance.
Task – to reflect the real situation.
Please be as honest with themselves.
Then take a second sheet with blank circles and repel them, how would you like to look in principle.
Now compare this location with a properly configured “artifact”, that is, the circles of the person whose life is in a healthy balance of boundaries and priorities.
Round 1: God (Higher power) and you.
If you want to know yourself, you need to create a healthy first round.
If in the first round are just you, but there is no God, you are prone to narcissism and selfishness.
If in the circle there is only God, but there you can speak about the tendency of self-flagellation and excessive piety that can negatively affect your physical and emotional health.
If the circle is still something or someone, except you and God, then it can harm your physical, mental and emotional health. And also create problems in relationships with other people.
Round 2: the closest people.
In the circles 2A and 2B are:
2A – parents or people who bring it up
2B – brothers and sisters.
When the child grows up, parents as well as brothers and sisters should go in Round 3 to give up his place in the Circle 2 other people.
2A – husband/wife or loved one
2B – young children, while they live with their parents. Children should go in Round 3, when you learn to fly on their own.
Round 2 may be empty and this is normal. However, many of us do not suffer alone and try to fill the circle of older children, Hobbies, Pets and other things. Unfortunately, this is of little help and may aggravate Your relationship with family and friends.
You will definitely feel the pain if:
a) a Circle of leaves close people;
b) If the person is in Round 2, but in his Round 2 no (e.g., are you in love with someone who doesn’t reciprocate), or Vice versa;
in) In adult life in your circle 2A is not one, but two or more people (e.g., husband or wife, lover, adult children, or parent). Round 2A is only for lover or beloved, you cannot invite other people.
Round 3: Other close people.
In Round 3 are adult children; small children who do not live with you in one house; grandchildren; close relatives, and best friends with whom you have a close relationship.
Some people have a lot of friends and acquaintances, but they are not willing to openly share with them their thoughts and feelings.
Men often don’t have friends in Round 3. They may have friends with whom they go fishing, attend sporting events, work, but they do not confide to them a heart of secrets. Usually they’ll expect Round 2 and Round 3 will fill their wives and children. But it is also a mistake. Each person must have at least one friend who is with you in a close relationship.
Rounds 4, 5 and so on: Less than loved ones.
In Rounds 4,5… are usually distant relatives, friends, colleagues.
These circles may be infinite – the number depends on the diversity of your relationship.
Your liability towards people depends on their position in your Circles. The farther from the center, the less responsibility.
In order to determine the position of a person or some classes in your Circles, think about the impact they have on you. Their ability to hurt you or cause you joy is determined by proximity to your circle 1 or 2. Frequency of contact also shows what position in your Circles a person or activity.
This situation may change accordingly will change and the extent of your responsibility for these people.