The paradox is that striving for honesty in any relationship, sometimes we often justify their own lies. Justified by desire to protect, didn’t bother to spare. And here we are 100 percent sure that a light, innocent deception is a normal occurrence. The question of “whether to be completely honest in a relationship” does not arise. But meanwhile, the experience (not just their own) shows that a successful relationship can only be built on openness and. A lie is still necessary to perceive as a conscious mistake, to admit it and to make certain conclusions.
Honesty is more than not lying. To tell the truth, live the truth and love the truth.
James E. Faust
How are we kidding?
We are so used to not pay attention to the systematic unsaid that it genuinely perceived to be true. To this should be added the numerous tips and model examples of the surrounding information field, which in any case we worked out, and determine actions. In the end, despite the rules and “good behavior” in the relationship something goes wrong. Why?
1. We’re not fighting
That is the most clichéd perfect relationship. Model couple in this reality as though consists of set of “do not”: do not cry, do not be offended, not angry. This behavior is a lie. The truth is that the conflict can not hush up. Announced problem is a big step towards a more harmonious relationship.
2. We play the role
In the beginning of the relationship each of us tries to be better, perfect and flawless. The most important seems to anticipate the desire of the partner, to please and not disappoint. This is a normal period of development of the relations and of course he is. But it so happens that one of the pair continues to play on. It’s not necessarily about sacrifice, it may be the game in “deity” whom all should worship. Here we are talking primarily about self-deception. And the one who used to lie to myself, easily fooled and the middle. Be yourself – unless you real don’t deserve love and respect?
3. We hide the past
This is the story of the throwing between the two poles: “I’ll Tell you everything since childhood!” and “don’t Need him (her) know about it, it was up to“. Both options do not work. To start a new life with a clean slate, of course, cool and interesting. Only here in the development of relations will help sincere conversations and your stories about important.
4. We are trying to draw attention to themselves with lies
It may be a small lie (for example, about his non-existent career take off once) and invented a whole series in which you live. The issue is that you just do not have enough attention, and ask about it you can’t. Because maybe I’m afraid of failure and not confident in this relationship. With this, you need to understand in the first place, instead of creating an artificial interest.
What do we want?
From a relationship we expect mutual trust and respect. To trust fully is to be sure that you will not be deceived and will support in a difficult situation. To trust is to know that you will not betray and will not condemn. To be honest, is a conscious freedom, and with it new discoveries.
- We become more vulnerable.
Opening up completely, we drop the armor and spread our wings. Yes, vulnerable, but truly free.
- We learn responsibility.
Opening up and trusting, we truly understand how lies can hurt a loved one.
- We learn tolerance.
Begin to forgive. Because more keenly aware of his mistakes and their consequences.
- We gain confidence.
Gladly accept that this relationship is a true partnership and mutual support. When we cease to lie on the little things, you achieve the same harmony.
- We are free.
It’s simple: be honest – is not only “always tell the truth and nothing but the truth”. To be honest it’s the frankness with yourself. And, in addition, that you open up to your partner, you learn something new about myself. Trust in the middle of any span is the breath with full chest.
- We gain ease in communication.
Not only with your partner, but with all his entourage. Many of us don’t realize how much weight even the smallest lie and how she can control our future actions.
Reaction to the truth
It is important to understand that from your response to the truth of the partner (and Vice versa) depends on the further development of your relationship. If before you open you trust. Justify the trust, please, if you cherish your loved one. You are waiting for the reaction, participation and .
All your responses now – it’s a scenario of how will develop your relationship further. And even if the truth is bitter, do not accuse your partner of all mortal sins. Your condemnation is in such a delicate moment will give a reason to think things will always be so. It negates trust.
The first step to an honest and trusting relationship is to realize how you are honest to themselves, to their partner and face reality around. This really is your life and your desires? This is exactly your reality, that’s exactly what you want? Become aware of their values and needs, do not lie in the first place itself. And then comes the most exhilarating feeling of freedom that can only give honesty.