“This violence or do I think?” How to throw out old rake

“This violence or do I think?” How to throw out old rake

“This violence or do I think?” This question is asked by many women. If you believe the facts and statistics, family violence in our country is extremely common. However, not every woman recognizes abuz, it is possible to live a very long time and perceive it as something normal, saying to himself: “In the family anything can happen”, “we all Have challenges”.

Three faces of violence

Abuse, or violence of one person over another has many different forms. Major – the impact through the body, through the senses and through Wednesday. Each of the options is always associated with pressure, power and violating the boundaries of another person. Such violence can come from any of the family members, regardless of gender and age.

1. Body

Any variants of a beating from poking and Toscani to serious injury; any touching when asked not to do so; requirements for the partner to change the weight or body shape; prohibitions on certain clothes or makeup; coercion for sex and/or certain of its variations; the restriction of freedom of movement, insulation; pressure on the partner in nutrition.

2. Feelings

Manipulation to cause certain emotions in the partner. The underlying feelings that become the purpose of manipulation:

  • fear (threats, yelling, intimidation, bullying);
  • loneliness (rejection, refusal to communicate, isolation, devaluing or ignoring the other’s feelings);
  • the evocation of anger or, on the contrary, the prohibition on expression of anger (provocation, accusations of hysteria, abnormalities);
  • shame (comparison with other people, constant criticism and discontent, ridicule, demonstration of aversion to the partner, the claims especially when other persons);
  • wine (baseless accusations, outsourcing the entire responsibility on just one);
  • pity (demonstrative suffering, resentment, anguish, manipulation of his illness or poor health).

Evoking similar feelings from your partner, it’s easy to get him to do what is required.

3. Environment

Prohibitions on communicating with someone (relatives, friends, colleagues), depreciation of the environment, the prohibition of work or requirement to change, the manipulation of money, search the enemies around, the ban on applying for any kind of assistance, the requirement “not to wash dirty linen in public”.

This tactic creates the conditions when the abused person will have great difficulty when trying to get out of the relationship.

When the partner is sick

It is a separate category of relations, which are always created violent environment. If the family includes a dependent person or someone who has a psychiatric diagnosis, creates a heavy emotional background of all family members.

A similar process occurs in the case of mental illness. With such people impossible healthy relationship.

Feelings of fear, anger and shame are present in such families constantly, there are regular conflicts, the whole family is in anxiety and tension, no one can calm down for a second, at any moment something can happen. People in such families will need some help from experts.

How do I become a victim?

If an adult gets in abusvie relationship and remains in them, it has been formed tolerance. Most likely, the family certain forms of violence took place became the norm.

Growing up in such an environment, the child forms the protective mechanisms that provide insensitivity to difficult experiences. Child is necessary in order to survive and not go crazy.

However, in adult life protection continues to work and does not recognize violence against oneself in the early stages of a relationship.

It is in our psyche. So unconsciously people will choose the familiar, that is such a partner, which would be reconstructed similar to the parent emotional environment in the family.

Violence: how to get out of the circle?

Working with victims of family violence is very complex. Despite the heavy atmosphere in the family and the obvious suffering, there is strong attachment, which is difficult to handle.

Careful work with a psychologist in which people can change their personal norms and rules in the relationship. The goal of therapy is to eliminate the tolerance of violence and to cease to tolerate the abuse of themselves, form healthy boundaries, self-respect and self-love.

We need to talk about what violence is and that it is in any case should not be the norm in any family. Seeking help is a sign of strength and recognition of the right to protection.

What’s next?

Finally, the victim managed to get out of abuse. Now the man is one and he is in search of. Already knows how not to be, but he has absolutely no idea what kind of relationship it will feel good and comfortable.

Signs of a healthy relationship:

  • 1. A high level of contact
    Partners talk about their feelings freely, can openly Express their opinions, to voice what they liked and did not like any relationship they would like in relation to itself. They have the opportunity to ask, and they can take rejection.
  • 2. Allocation of responsibility
    Partners are only responsible for their own feelings, thoughts and actions. You have the opportunity to discuss any conflict, determine the cause of the incident, and to find change to prevent this from happening.
  • 3. Trust and support
    The partners are confident in each other, can present itself in weakness or difficult times receive support and acceptance.
  • 4. Adequate boundaries
    Each of the partners respects the personal space of another, not trying to manipulate or violate his right to choose. There are agreements and decisions, with which both agree.
  • 5. Comfortable emotional state
    Most of the time you feel satisfied and calm. You feel a confidence in the love partner. The needs of each other mutually satisfied. You interesting to talk to, you talk about feelings when you want it. You enough tactile contact and sexual satisfaction.
  • 6. Development
    Problems and difficulties are discussed and resolved, rather than remaining unchanged for many years. Partners change and grow, their lives become more happy.

Healthy relationships are possible for each of the things that you must learn and allow yourself to be.

See also:

  • Strategy 5 + 3
  • What to do if you are stuck in a relationship with abuterol
  • On victims of violence