My parents literally forced me to marry an unloved man, is convinced that love will come later, and he’s the best option – modest, calm, loyal, loves me. The wedding is in two weeks. I didn’t like. Sometimes, very rarely, I appear gentle feelings, but the rest of the time he annoys me. I can barely hide their emotions. And almost always, except for moments of tenderness and irritation, it is absolutely indifferent to me. I don’t care where he is, doing what, with whom, how his business and health. If he will do something bad (for example, take my phone, nasori on the floor), I’m ready to explode. I don’t know how to live with it. Parents don’t understand me, so I started a family, gave birth to a child. I also want this. But he’s not my man. What to do? Wedding can not be avoided. Don’t know how long we’ll last after the wedding.
Anna, 26 years
Try to do two steps to clarify its relationship to what is happening. The first step is to imagine that you entirely ceased to force to marry. What are you freed from the yoke of parental coercion, an immediate marriage. And that you now have the opportunity to choose to marry or to leave their life as it is. What for you is the advantages to become “her husband’s wife,” and what are the disadvantages – what do you feel will lose worth marrying?
Shall describe it in the two halves of the paper. Write spontaneously, without much thought, the first one that comes to you – now free to choose their status – to come.
And then take the next step. Take another sheet of paper, divide it equally, on one side write “pros” on the other “cons.” Now concentrate on your relationship with the company, co-residence with the “humble, quiet, loyal, loving you” a man and write what you like to do with him and what is not, than it is for you attractive, and what not. Then honestly answer yourself the question: what form of relations (and can be quite the gap) for you now the best? How do you imagine a relationship with this man? In what form? What are the conditions? And with what degree of responsibility?
Again, write without much thought – the first thing that comes into my head. After a few hours, re-read what you get. Perhaps at this point clear it is your desire, intention. In this case, try to sincerely talk with this man. Tell him your desires, fears and try to work with them to find a solution that suits you as a couple. And then decide together how to build relationships with parents so that they let you in their own adult life, your script, your way of victories and mistakes.