One of the many ways in which society shames those who have been a victim of narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths, is the following: if a person says that has repeatedly been a victim of these predators, he replied that he was certainly mistaken. Is it possible to meet and become a victim of so many toxic people, completely devoid of empathy and, even worse, a conscience? Aren’t sociopaths and don’t have to be rare?
It is generally understood that if a person was a victim so many times in a row, then to himself that something is wrong. As far from the truth. Here are the most common reasons why you could be affected by numerous predators throughout its life:
1. “Predators” is much more common than you think. You can become the object of the narcissists in various contexts
Doctor Martha stout estimates the number of sociopaths in the US as 1 of 25. To meet more than one of a narcissist or a sociopath, given the modern culture was not only something very likely, but even quite ordinary. Because a lack of empathy are becoming more common, especially among the younger generations (Twenge mp; Hsing, 2010).
Narcissists very much, they can meet you in the family, among friends, colleagues at work, on dates and in relationships. If you remember this, it becomes clear that many of us will encounter predators and become their victim more often than a few times in my life.
These people are highly specialised in their field, they cleverly ensure that you are imbued with sincere feelings to their false mask, and only then reveal their true colors. Even Dr. Robert Hare, expert on psychopathy, said that they still manage to hold it.
Their hidden manipulation and devious tactics can be successful, even against seasoned victims and experts, as empathic people usually just can’t believe that there are people without empathy who act with intentional malice and deceit.
That’s why narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are able to lead a double life for many years, and nobody knows the truth about them until then, until it is too late.
2. People have repeatedly become victims of narcissists and objects of manipulation not only because of their vulnerability, but also because of their valuable qualities
Predators are constantly in search of empathic, resilient people — those who can recover from abuse with them. The narcissists are often looking for “bright” objects — an attractive, successful and good-looking because it helps them to create their positive image.
If you belong to this category, you is likely to become their victim. As noted by Dr. George Simon, “victims of predators tend to be conscientious and to avoid conflicts. Their kindness becomes fertile ground for exploitation. Moreover, the manipulators play on your sensitivity, and often appeal to your conscience”.
If you have the habit to project their empathy on others and use their ability to recover in order to sustain a toxic relationship, it’s time to see narcissists for who they are; and the ability to recover should be reserved for the path of healing that you have.
3. The cycle of repetition injuries
If you were raised by a parent with a narcissist, especially a large probability to be the prey of predator in adulthood, because you are so educated that they are ready to accept the unacceptable. This is not your fault, it’s just a fact unfairly your injury.
The phenomenon of constant contact with traumatic situations, much like our previous experience, is called traumatic play or cycle of recurrence of injury (Levy, 1998). This means that you have probably been subconsciously programmed that you are to abuse, and prepared for it. Not only your unique vulnerability and force-defined injury, attract rapists, but yourself can draw to them without your knowledge, because you perceive them as something familiar and “normal.”
Your mind and body biochemically accustomed to the chaos and madness, encountered in childhood, that makes you adult vulnerable for a relationship “traumatic connectedness” with the manipulators. Traumatic coupling is often created on the basis of alternating bad and good treatment, inequality in respect of power and the presence of danger (Carnes, 1997).
If you will jump from one relationship to others, showing attention to your child’s injury, you might meet for a short period of time several narcissists and strengthen the traumatic type of connectedness, which emerged with the first “jailer”, whether toxic parents or aggressive classmates. Even if you make an incredible inner work on healing, you can still meet “predators” again and you can become their victim — truth, you won’t have such a tendency to the formation of traumatic connectedness with them as before.
That’s why working with your borders is a critical factor in your recovery, although it does not give you the guarantee that you will not contact with toxic people.
4. Modern culture romantic relationship opens access to more people than ever before, including “predators”
Dating apps are full of “predators”, using them as a platform to hunt for victims. If you live in a large Metropolitan city or in a more isolated area, where such apps are used for Dating, unfortunately, is also a great possibility that you will meet numerous “predators”. Dating apps give them access to numerous sources of satisfaction of his narcissism (praise, admiration, resources, sex and everything else that they can use to their advantage). This means that they can terrorize many of the victims in the same period of time. No one can be blamed for the fact that you will meet one or two manipulators during their romantic searches.
Some manipulators can be more easily identified than others. The more secretive they are, the harder it is to determine their true nature. Research suggests that women who had experience of online Dating was faced with total lies, financial fraud and unwanted sexual aggression. Other work suggests that the constantly increasing sexually risky behavior, more predators looking for victims on the network (Choi et l., 2018).
If you communicate on Dating sites, you need to be extra careful. Such people tend to create a false image, but in the online space it is particularly easy. You need to pay attention to such features as the desire to accelerate, especially in terms of physical and emotional intimacy, excessive flattery, intended to disarm you, demands, sounding like nominating has every right to them, and constant contact.
The big picture
Anyone who repeatedly met narcissists or psychopaths in my life deserves a reverent and respectful attitude for his willpower and internal resource, but not to the victim, and even shame.
If your place was one of those who tries to shame you, he wouldn’t have made a tenth of the unprovoked cruelty and horror that you endured, maybe for many years. You have the opportunity to get out of the cycle of abuse without self-blame and internalizing stedesa tactics of others.
You have the same value and deserve a healthy relationship and a friendship, like any other man. You’re all right. In fact, you become the object of abuse because you are all too good. The same your strengths — empathy, the ability to recover, compassion will serve you well in a healthy relationship in which there is a sense of boundaries. Remember that you are not alone in their experiences, even if sometimes you think so. Healing is more than possible, as the prosperity awaiting you in your bright future.
- Choi, E. P., Wong, J. Y., Lo, H. H., Wong, W., Chio, J. H., &l.pone.0165394
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- Simon, G. (2018, August 25). The Keys to Self-Empowerment. Retrieved December 29, 2019, from https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/the-keys-to-self-empowerment/
- Stout, M. (2012). The sociopath next door: The ruthless versus the rest of us. New York, NY: MJF Books.
- Twenge, J. M., &ck.
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- Translated Kiril Melamud