That’s the situation faced by some women. My husband somehow thinks that if the wife argues with him in front of strangers, she does it out of malice – trying to make a fool of him.
The wife just gives his opinion to which it has rights, such men does not occur. For some reason they get angry and offended.
Anyway, it happens that the man across the word does not say – it all boils and is willing to consider a wife a fiend, no less. Why is that?
Answer. It’s his normal status and normal hardness. Please do not be afraid of these phrases, I’ll explain.
Men and norms
In already distant 1986 American psychologists Thompson and Plack (Thompson & Pleck) found that men differ from women’s mostly cultural. Namely, the rules that govern a man’s life.
Norms are regulations that specify what you can do, which is not what you can feel, and what is not, than to be interested in, and what to avoid.
These rules are worked out by men, passed down from generation to generation and are carefully hidden from women (okay, not very carefully).
These rules do not give away, men learn in the course of life, we can say, imbibe with men’s teams. By the way, because the teams are different, and rules can vary. And if the teams are in different cultures (say, white Anglo-Saxon Protestants, and Hispanics in the United States), the rules will vary even more.
For white Christian men tend three rules – rule status, the rule of hardness and rate of antirestenotic.
If the maximum squeezed, then each rule can be described as follows: “I have to be the coolest,” “I should be all right,” “I should be musicbee all”, respectively. All these standards are tied to one thing – the desire to prove their masculinity enough. Enough to other men called you a man (do you hear, what’s your problem, huh?).
If these rules are violated, a man feels brave enough. That is, thinks its humiliating.
Don’t argue with me!
If a woman disagreed, said what a man thinks? Especially if the woman was right?
He thinks, “Ruff your copper! But I was wrong, so I’m not a man.” Through this, as you know, not everyone gets, so the man is trying to regain its status in the first place, your eyes.
If he manages to somehow prove to his wife that she’s wrong, the balance will be restored and he will again consider himself manly enough.
Please do not twist a finger at a temple. It may look like madness. For such men all very seriously. After all, if he is wrong – he is not a man. But if he is not a man, and have no reason to live.
That is why men are protesting, when on a trip to an unfamiliar area, they lose the road and hear the sentence of his wife: “I’ll Go and ask”.
Will be released? Ask? Yeah you kill me with this snake in the grass! If you do, then I’m screwed up [the norm of hardness], then some passerby knows the road better than me [the norm’s status], so I kind of suck…Oh!…
Hence, such aggressiveness in these situations.
Yes, my Lord?
A reasonable question arises – so what, now you need to be silent in a rag?
Well, how do you say…
On the one hand, Yes, to remain silent and not to violate the norms of husband – useful. He feels like a king struts around and goes happy. In fact, that many men want from their wives is submission.
But if you look – in the hell do need it, this life in eternal subordination? So mum’s the word – no, not an option. This I do not suggest and would not recommend.
Output, as for me, explanation. It would be better, of course, that the man got to my paws and met these standards. And would understand that they helpful, and what’s wrong. I have told the fellow on the Y-chromosome, it is necessary to include head and to understand – if someone points out your mistakes does not mean that the person humiliates you.
Or at least this article show.
At worst, you can just be sensitive to the kinks man. In the end, we are all imperfect in their own way, everyone has their own cockroaches.
And I have all, thank you for your attention.